25 Things I’ve Learned in 25 Years of Marriage


I’ve been married to my wife 25 years this Tuesday. I’ve learned a lot along the way. I prepared a message for our church with just 5 of those things.

In addition here’s a list of 25 things I realized I’ve learned along the way these 25 years.

  1. A good marriage requires dying to yourself. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15:31: “I die daily.” We have to crucify our flesh to have a healthy marriage. I touch on this in being Christ centered.
  2. Don’t compete. I hit this one in the above message. We win/win or lose/lose not win/lose. “Oneupmanship” doesn’t work in marriage.
  3. You gain those you serve. My friend Jim Wideman said this first I believe. We gain influence and loyalty by serving our spouse. Christ is our example of serving us.
  4. Keep Christ at the center. It’s not Christ, then my marriage, it’s Christ in my marriage.
  5. You can’t do it alone. We all have a tribe of people investing into us. I need mentors and friends.
  6. You reap what you sow. Everything is equity. Garbage in, garbage out.
  7. Seek to understand then be understood. Thanks Stephen Covey. Become a student of your spouse.
  8. We aren’t the same and that’s good. Instead of lamenting differences, celebrate them.
  9. Healthy takes intentionality. Good marriages don’t just happen. They take work.
  10. There’s always room for improvement. We are maturing not yet mature.
  11. I can’t have uncommon by just doing the common. You don’t get Michelin stars by using Mcdonald’s ingredients.
  12. Repent quickly. There’s no points for standing your ground when wrong.
  13. Speak slowly. Respond, don’t react.
  14. Fight for unity. Most people fight Nad it causing disunity. Be willing to fight to maintain and preserve unity.
  15. Time over time. Long term investments in the right things pay off.
  16. We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. Make sure your past isn’t clouding your vision.
  17. We have to have a common vision and mission. Focus on the right things together.
  18. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Does this even matter?
  19. United we are undefeated. Divided we fall.
  20. Spouse before kids. Live life by priorities. Kid centered marriages don’t honor God.
  21. Intimacy is what you make of it. WORK at it.
  22. Communicate always. Don’t assume. The silent treatment is evil.
  23. Listen more than you speak. Two ears, one mouth.
  24. Trust God always. The Word works!
  25. Pay the price. Invest your time, talent and treasure.

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